For instance, a couple weeks before he left I found an internet convo in his yahoo. From this convo I could tell that for 2 months he had been sitting in our house, in our room, w/ me on the bed in plain site, having intimate conversations with some cyber slut named Lisa Movius. I could tell that she was the type of gal that removes her clothes for any man. And I proved it. A friend of mine off Facebook hit her up. started talking to her and she asked him to cam. he did and with in 5 min had her nakid. 35 min later she wanted to meet him. I was so upset that I confronted Keith about the convo I found.
We were laying in bed, and I was staring at him. he could tell I was trying to say something, and asked what?
I asked "Are you planning on leaving me?"
he kind of looked stunned at my question but replied, "NO"
I asked if he was looking for someone else?
He said , "NO"
I asked him if he had found someone else
He said "NO"
I asked if he was sure?
He said "YES"
I don't know if that sparked his actions to leave but something switched in him. Yes he had been distant but it felt like things were getting better. he had been trying to make arrangements to take me to a movie, but the cinimas never had anything we wanted to watch. He had been staying home a lil more but I guess that wasnt for me. I don't know anymore.
All I know is that since he left he won't talk I have tried to message him. He changed his number, blocked me on all the social networks, and is running around trying to meet and sleep with different women.
I have tried everything. I've unblocked my social network accounts so they are now public. I've made status posts so he could see them. I've dedicated songs and graphics to him. I've refused to meet anyone else cause I know my heart is clinging to hope that he will open his eyes and see how much he means to me.
It feels insain. I'm not use to being the one who can't let go. In the past I have always jumped back into the dating scene and played the "Ill show you" card. I never allowed someone to get the best of me. But this time it is so different. I really don't want anyone else. I don't want no other man to kiss hold or make love to me. All I want is Keith to come home. But that isn't happening and its been about 35 days.
Recently he made several status posts. He dedicated those statuses to me.On one he said:
"To my x get a fucking life an move on I do not want u back go be happy with your guy" And on the other he said " to my x Blazing angel get over it an. Get off your lazy ass fine job am not paying your bills so stop asking .y dont u ask your bf damn lev me alone plz god damn"
These remarks were like a million knives in the back. First, as I said Im not ready for another man because I still love him. 2nd, I never asked him to pay anything. I wouldn't even ask him to pick up my meds let alone ask him to pay the bills. It's fucked up. I mean seriously. we been together 7 years. we had a family, a home that is almost paid off and the teenagers are about ready to leave home and start their own life. we had so much going for us and he ruined it. Im not saying that it wouldn't be nice if he'd help w/ the bills he helped create but I haven't asked him. I got the gas and electric paid by a local agency. A friend of mine paid my phone two months in a row. all that is left is our home and Im so scared Im gonna loose it.
The lady we are buying it from came over the other day. she brought her husband with her. She had a paper with her that showed what she thought we owed. the paper said
975 house payments
700 for the new furnace
275 X 5 for months of "rent" where we missed the house payment for that month.
approx $2275
This wasn't right. I kept telling her the calculations were wrong and that I was trying to get the $1675 I owed paid off but that this situation is outta my control. What was I to do but beg her not to take the house away from the babies. I mean seriously, this is all they have. YES I know that this is a biz deal and that she deserves her money and I'm not trying to keep her money away. But right this second I am stuck. I am trying to find a job, trying to get kids and our friends to help but nothing is working out very fast. Its gonna take time and waiting is in everyone's best interest. I say that because according to Ohio law:
5313.07 Proceeding for foreclosure and judicial sale.
If the vendee of a land installment contract has paid in
accordance with the terms of the contract for a period of five years or
more from the date of the first payment or has paid toward the purchase
price a total sum equal to or in excess of twenty per cent thereof, the
vendor may recover possession of his property only by use of a
proceeding for foreclosure and judicial sale of the foreclosed property
as provided in section 2323.07 of the Revised Code. Such action may be commenced after expiration of the period of time prescribed by sections 5313.05 and 5313.06
of the Revised Code. In such an action, as between the vendor and
vendee, the vendor shall be entitled to proceeds of the sale up to and
including the unpaid balance due on the land installment contract.
In my case I have paid about $14,000 of the $15,000 amount owed. this is far more than 20% and means that IF she wanted the house back then she'd have to foreclose on me. Even then she would have to deal with the waiting time, costs, and the judicial sale of the house which would gain her only the amount owed on the house and that may or may not apply to the furnace since under Ohio law she was responsible for all major repairs during the land contract.
On the other hand, If she works with me, Ill get all that money to her. I don't want to lose the house and she don't want the house or the hassle. It's simply not worth it especially when she would have to wait on the money anyway... so why not work with me and not make it any harder on any of us especially the babies that are innocent victims in this mess.
The babies are a whole story of their own. NO I didn't birth them, my teen daughters did. But Legally, I'm responsible for them because the mothers are teens and I'm responsible for them. so I'm in a rock and a hard spot. everyone seems to think I should kick the girls out of the house if they don't pay. I can't do that and wouldn't even if I could. I love my children. Allo I want is for them to do whats right. Take care of their kids, finish school, get a job, and move into the next stage of life w/ little to no major problems. but its not that simple when I am in this situation.
It's one thing to have a broken heart, or financial problems, but when you are dealing with both at the same time it is over whelming and when you are living in such a horrible place w/limited support it begins to feel like you are drowning.
I want to save the house and take care of my kids so bad but I can't find a job, I have no transportation to look away from town and there is nothing here. I was going to sale my wedding stuff, not cause I wanted to but because I felt that I had to. I placed it on 2 different facebook sale groups, and the only thing that sold was the lil boxes of white christmas lights.
When the guy picked those lights up I had a emotional melt down I couldn't quit crying. It felt like I was having a heart attack and I couldn't breath. The more I thought about it the more I realized that IF I tried to sell that dress Id end up hospitalized. I can't do that and so I took the rest of the wedding stuff down off the sites. I'm not gonna try to sell again til I know I'm ready. & I'm not ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Al;l I want is that man to come home. I want him to hold me and love me like he use to. I want him to try to fix this because I know IF he would try; really try, we could fix this and be happy again but he wont try and I can't do anything but frantically pick up the pieces which keep falling out of my hand and shattering worse on the floor.
What's worse is that my kids keep going around him. And Karin has arranged for him to have Aden on monday. Part of me wants him to because I want aden to feel loved but the other part is screaming that all this is going to do is hurt aden more when his pappy don't come home with him and since aden is usually with me, he will start the pappy thing again and it will push me over the edge. He just finally stopped screaming 4 pappy. he just finally stopped asking if he was coming home. he just finally stopped looking for him. why start that again. why not let the poor baby have a chance to forget. all Keith is gonna do is be a walk away joe again. and it's wrong to do to aden. Its wrong to do to me. ITS WRONG!
Quite frankly, I just wish the powers that be would end this for me. I wish they would just let me go. take me away from all this pain and place me in the safty of the heavens where no one can hurt me anymore. Im tired of being their science experiment. I want to be happy I want to feel safe and secure and know that its real! I'm ready to start again as someone or something new and maybe have a chance this time. Lord knows from the moment I was born I haven't had a chance in hell....
~Jesilyn~
ITS WRONG
